My Desire

What's this? Why do I feel this way?

I got what I wanted, didn't I?

I was happy throughout the experience,

I smiled all through, I even cried.

But why do I feel empty?

Why do I feel lonely?

Why do I feel unsatisfied?

Why do I feel like the whole experience should have never happened?

All through the experience, I had a feeling to end it, but I ignored.

I had the nudge to come out, but I resisted.

I had the sensation to call it a quit, but I chose to shake it off.

Now, I had all the fun I wanted,

I laughed till I cried,

I smiled till my cheekbones started hurting,

I changed diverse positions to enjoy my experience,

But why does regret follow afterwards?

I ignored my true love,

I shook off His warm embrace,

I resisted dropping it all and being intimate with Him.

I cannot face Him,

I will just try to avoid Him,

I will occupy my thoughts with something else.

I can even sleep the day off and the night too.

But where can I hide from His presence?

He is everywhere, even in my thoughts.

And each time I took notice of Him,

He spreads His arms wide open and calls out to me.

Should I go to Him?

Why does He forgive me so easily?

Why does He smile at me like that?

"I won't hurt you, neither will I judge you," He said.

But I looked away.

"All I see is 'Mine', My blood, My purchase, My love.

Confess your faults, and let's reconcile.

For your sins, do I remember no more."

I apologized, I confessed my flaws and limitations.

I know He understands,

But I am afraid.

What if I do it again or worse?

I can't help my desires.

He promised, He promised if I trust Him, He will help me.

If I let Him, He will come to my aid.

If I fill my thoughts and activities with Him...He will become my desire.

That I believe!

(Smiles) I love Him! I desire Him!

Song 🎶:  I desire - The one I love  by Chingtok Ishaku