With All Diligence

Previously, I had an argument with myself (which I refer to as "Self"). Initially, it seemed my inner self had the upper hand, but ultimately I emerged victorious.

Remember, I told you to watch out for me? Well, something else happened.

After embracing my inner self, I left that area to focus on my personal life. I decided not to give in to fleshly desires anymore—or so I thought. I started off well, attending a conference, reading my Bible, and praying fervently throughout that week.

You could say I was overcoming both my flesh and the devil, but who was I kidding? The next two weeks felt like my inner fire had dwindled. I no longer felt like praying or reading the Bible. Each time I learned something new from the Bible, it felt like a test—and I failed most times.

Don't judge me; I tried my best. When I didn't feel like praying or reading, I wondered why God didn't stir my heart. Why didn't He reignite the passion within me?

I returned to my old habits, and my conscience was loud about it. You wouldn't notice it if you looked at me physically, and even if you saw it with spiritual eyes, I would claim all was fine.

Weeks turned into months, and I couldn't remember my last fellowship with my Lover. My habits consumed me, and I grew comfortable in my state. I was doing it to myself (cries...then laughs).

Who will save me from myself again? I could hear the devil laughing, saying I'd always return to this nature.

I wanted to counter with scripture, but who was I kidding? Even God seemed silent. I gave in, feeling depressed, suicidal, and addicted to my phone—scrolling through nights, ignoring quiet time alarms, neglecting my Bible, and avoiding fellowship with brethren. Despite this, I felt empty deep down.

I felt like my wholeness was missing. I felt like a disappointment to God, everyone, and even the devil. I'm sure he expected me to fight.

One day, a scripture came to mind: "Guard your heart with all diligence, because out of it flows the issues of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

A voice whispered, "Find a quiet place, quiet your mind, and let's talk." I recognized my Shepherd's voice.

I found a quiet place and prayed in the spirit until my mind was quiet enough to hear Him speak.

"Open 1 Timothy 6:11-12." I read it aloud.

How many things have I told you to flee from?

"Sexual immorality, idolatry, false teaching, the love of money, and youthful lusts."

When you conversed with your flesh, what were your pointers to show approval?

"Lust of the flesh, pride of life, and lust of the eyes."

Proverbs 4:23 says to guard your heart with all...?

"Diligence."

I want to know where this is heading.

"You will know soon." I forgot He could hear my thoughts.

Paul advised Timothy to flee and what?

"Pursue..."

"Hold it there. PURSUE. That's the Word."

What does diligence mean? I asked, reading through my dictionary.

"The gates to your heart are your eyes and ears. To guard your heart, you must be intentional about what you view and listen to, as these plant seeds in your heart. You, with My help, must pursue righteousness, godliness, love, and the lifestyle scripture expects of you. I'm your Helper, but you must take action."